Nerd Up!

McFly?

Total Films ha put together a list of the  top 14 worst movie themed shoes.  “The Thing” dunks don’t look that bad, but the Scarface shoes are hideous, what marketing genius thought that one up. An honorable mention should go to Reebok’s Voltron line, the pictures don’t do them justice. Check them out for yourself, currently available at all Reebok clearance outlets.

Not really movie related, but I’ve always wanted a pair of Silver Surfer dunks, Norrin Radd!

10. Meet The Spartans
This could be easily number one, but since I only made it through the first 15 minutes I’ve pushed it back to 10. Sorry, Kevin Sorbo.

9. Hancock
Bait and switch! I was under the impression that this was a comedy about a homeless superhero. Instead, I was bamboozled into watching Peter Berg’s latest Scientology recruitment video. This would have been excellent had it remained a comedy, but the convoluted plot twist in the second act turned this promising movie into Battle Field Earth.

8. Street Kings
I had high hopes for this movie. A crew of dirty cops. One of them is implicated in the murder of a fellow officer? Sounds like something involving Vick Mackey (Season 2-4), but Keanu as an alcholic vice cop is laughable. This movie also gets negative points for the audacity of calling it “The Watchmen”.

7. X-Files: I Want to Believe

Basically a 2 hour episode. Would have been better if it came out in the 90′s.

6. Be Kind Rewind
This movie spawned the most pretentious internet phenomenon of all time, “swede movies”.  Although short lived, it did produce a lot of shit youtube videos… thus adding to the shit phenomenon that was this movie (picture a giant shit supernova, but at a running time of 1:41 mins).

Plus, Jack Black in Blackface. Not cool.

5. Transporter 3
The Transporter formula is pretty simple. Statham + Cars = Action Movie. How can you mess this up?

Oh yeah, Natalya Rudakova.

“One of these Things Just doesn’t Belong…”

4. Righteous Kill

Imagine Scent of a Woman and Analyze This, throw them in a lame serial killer story, toss in a skateboarding pimp, a has been boy band member and 50-Cent…sigh.  Remember on The Simpsons when Homer tried to build the ultimate car? That’s probably what the initial meetings for the conception of this movie; “Yeah, lets make the white male pimp more EXTREME” – High Fives!

3. Punisher Warzone

I understand that the original intention was to be a homage to the Tim Bradstreet/Garth Ennis version of the Punisher (with its own brand of gonzo violence) but the use of brutality in this movie is set to a cartoonish level. What originally might have looked cool in print fails epically on screen. I think director Lexi Alexander originally intended this to be a comedy, thus making Ray Stevenson’s already wooden performance the greatest example of deadpan comedy ever documented (look out Steven Wright).

2. The Happening

If the “disease” is an airborne virus are you telling me Mark Whalberg survived that long with those nostrils?

1. The Day The Earth Stood Still

As if you didn’t know!